He sent a text with a photo of a large fire. Occasionally we get a glimpse into his
world. The next text said, “The homeowner
died in that fire.” He doesn’t share
very often, but when he does – it means that it was something big. He is my baby brother. And he’s a firefighter.
That will be the sum total of that conversation between
us. A text message. A glimpse into the horror that he faced in
the darkness of that night. We will go
on with our day, occasionally thinking back to the text with a shudder. He will file it with the rest of the horrific
images he has seen in his 30 years as a fire fighter. Then he will work on pushing it down and
never referring to it again.
There have been babies crying for their mothers. And mothers crying for their babies. He’s called me at strange hours of the day
and railed me about buckling my kids into their car seats. And buckling myself into mine. I don’t ask, but I know that he’s seen
something that he’ll never be able to un-see.
I’ve gotten bits and glimpses of horrific car accident
scenes from my husband, as well. He’s a
police officer. One in particular, I can
recall in great detail – like I was actually there. But I wasn’t.
I saw the whole thing on his face.
There were small kids and babies.
Lots of them. They were scattered
to the winds. I don’t see the ones that
were crying. I see the ones that weren’t. He has those images filed in his safe place,
too. When we drive through that
intersection, we’re both always silent – even all of these years later.
Our first responders see more than we’ll ever imagine. And as families of these first responders, we
hear more that most ever realize. The
burdens are real. Post traumatic stress
is real. Vicarious stress is also real.
So, before you are quick to criticize a firefighter with his
team shopping in a grocery store. Or
before you jump on the police brutality bandwagon. Pause and ask yourself this – Could I live my
life carrying the burden of grief, the burden of those images flashing and the
burden of knowing I’m being criticized at every turn? If your answer is yes – you are one of the
chosen. You should rise to your calling
and go do your best to serve. If your
answer is no – I implore you to be a little kinder, and a little more thankful
that these people actually exist in our worlds.
My name is Natalie Stahl, and I support our brothers and
sisters in Fire Service, Law Enforcement and Emergency Medical Services. Thank God they exist.
